For a long time, the Jesus I believed in was angry.
I didn't decide that. It's just how he looked to me. He called the Pharisees names. He made a whip and drove people out of the temple. He told Peter, "Get thee behind me, Satan." That was the Jesus I knew, and if I'm honest, he made me nervous.
Years later I heard a preacher say, "Jesus is the kindest person you've ever met," and my whole body said, that's not the Jesus I know.
So what changed?
It wasn't a sermon. It was people.
The first time Lisa and I separated, I was in a bad way. And a pastor I didn't know well, I'll call him Pastor Rob, took me under his wing.
I found out later why. Years earlier, when Rob was starting out in ministry, my dad had been generous and kind to him. My dad didn't make a big deal of it. He just helped. And now, all these years later, that kindness came back around to his son.
I also had a mentor, I'll call him Geoff, who just kept showing up.
And it wasn't only them. There was an overwhelming sense of the body of Christ ministering to me. People I'd done life with over the previous ten years. Friends from church, friends from chaplaincy, people I'd sat with in their own hard seasons. They turned up for me. I was overwhelmed by the kindness of the friendships I'd built.
People ask me what helped most. Was it the advice? The prayers? The verses?
It was time, and presence.
Nobody fixed anything. Rob didn't have a five-step plan. Geoff didn't hand me a book and send me off. They just gave me their time and sat with me in it. Coffee. Phone calls. Turning up when they said they would. Turning up when they didn't say they would.
That's when I started to meet the kind Jesus. Not in my head, but through the people he sent.
It also changed how I see my own work. That's community chaplaincy. That's what people desperately need. Empathy, journey and support. And every one of those things takes time and presence. You can't do it from a distance. You can't do it in a hurry.
It's a ministry of presence.
I think a lot of us, especially in church, feel we have to have the right words when someone's struggling. We worry we'll say the wrong thing, so we say nothing and stay away. But I can't remember much of what anyone said to me in that season. I remember who was there.
If you know someone who's doing it tough, you don't need the right words. You need to turn up.
But that still leaves a question I had to face. If Jesus was kind all along, why did I see him as angry for so long? Where did that picture come from?
The answer surprised me. It was much closer to home than I expected.
If you're struggling right now, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. In an emergency call 000.
